if i could host a break-up party

As for my own break-ups, I'm the last person who can give advice on the topic, but I can say they've all led me to become who I am. But what do you say to someone you know is going through a tough time?

For my friend and fellow blah(g)er in Alhambra, you know who you are... 

I just saw Starlee Kine performing a new story in the live This American Life show I posted last week. The first story I ever heard her tell was on a TAL podcast where she takes us on her quest to write the perfect break up song. Sit back and relax for this one, it's a little more than a half hour long. It's followed by 3 short acts from other perspectives. I feel like the little girl in the next story, I still don't know what I would say to help her get through it. It's impossible to let go of the moment you're in and imagine how this will make you stronger, wiser, some day in the future. 

Maybe I'd want to hear a happily ever after story, like Greg Behrendt tells in "She's Just Not That Into Me". From a guy's perspective, a break-up story is at once a little terrifying and little hilarious. Brace yourself, he admits to being a borderline stalker, but I think it's just a good story of being inexplicably love sick. 

I am a big fan of spoken word as an art form, although storytelling I think is never more compelling than through a song. So, as though I didn't need another excuse to post another Kina Grannis song, here one that gives some purpose to breaking up. Kina, if you're listening, please release "Give Me Back" on iTunes so we can play it on repeat and go running. 

[]

this life

Ooh, date night! Todd and I almost never have babysitters for Noah. We don't have any family living close by and have a hard time getting referrals. So what a treat to have a night out. Together, that is. Usually we're limited to family friendly destinations. You know, the farmers market, the big park, the little park, G-rated films... even Ikea for Small Land. I can't believe just a few short years ago we mocked our friends for these things. You heard me. But dare I say it, we may have turned a corner on this babysitter thing. What did parents do before texting? And nanny-cam apps on their iPhones? Ok, no cam (yet). It was a lovely, worry-free grown-up night out. Could be habit forming. 

The venue? Some of our favorite storytellers from This American Life were live on stage... somewhere far away. But with a little satellite magic, we watched the live broadcast at a movie theater in Portland. I try to listen every week and even go through their archives of the last few years to hear another great story. Who can resist a well told story? Once in a while, host Ira Glass takes his show on the road. Absolutely worth catching. A rebroadcast of the show is in theaters again May 7th. Support public radio! 

the way i am

Todd, Noah and I were having breakfast at iHOP last Saturday, the first warm [70' F] sunny day in weeks. They were planning their boys' day out... would it be fishing? video arcade? dog park with Misty? Oh all 3, why not? I would be driving to Seattle later, sending them tweets and pics from Kina's show.

We remembered that Easter is coming up and Noah told us a story from circle. It was about a bunny, he didn't want to be a bunny anymore so he went to live with other animals and be like them. At the end he wanted to be a bunny. Well of course.

I knew this story, I told him. Yeah, Todd said, it's a great children's book. No, I said, and looking at Noah, it's like when I was little like you. I didn't want to be Filipino so I would go to my friends' houses and try to be like them. In Alhambra my playmates were from Cuba, Mexico, Korea and Taiwan. So, after learning about all the other cultures, I realized I just wanted to be Filipino. And I am. Ha.

And Noah got it. Todd shook his head. But I love him anyway. He gets it, just thinks I get a little too introspective. That's what children's stories are for, aren't they?

I looked up the title, "It's Not Easy Being a Bunny" by Marilyn Sadler. I love a story that ends up with the hero finally liking himself for the way he is. Perfectly imperfect.

oh my, playlists do make me happy

Happiness is meant to be shared...



Set list:
Down and Gone
Strong Enough
Cambridge
I'm Yours
Back to Us
Delicate
Together
Make Me
Message From Your Heart
The Goldfish Song

Notes from the night...

Jackie, thanks for sharing this night with me and for our friendship. Oh, where we've been together!

After the set, the sound guy cleared a bunch of chairs in front of the stage but he didn't bus the area. I kicked a glass over that was left on the floor. Sliced my toe but it didn't hurt.

When I walked up to Kina, I couldn't help it and gave her a hug. Then I thought, does she even know who I am? Oh, wait, she does. I'm the one who came up from Vancouver :) Still, I was self conscious after that. But then she gave me some kinnerd buttons and I hugged her again. Oh and then saying goodbye I held out my hand to shake hers and she hugged me instead.

So glad we met Christine from Seattle who took pics for me.

The first band showed up late so they had to cut their set short. They sensed the vibe. They knew Kina owned that crowd. Oh and Kina's sound check got more cheers than the other band's whole set.

The band that followed Kina was releasing a CD that night. But when Kina was done saying hi to people after her set, the place pretty much emptied. Maybe a bigger crowd showed up after we left.

I went to look for the restrooms, found 2 doors. One had a rooster picture and the other a cat. I wasn't really thinking. Opened the wrong door. Guess which?

With next to no promotion, this venue was packed. A little support from a radio station and she'd pack auditoriums. That day will come. In the meantime, it was fun yelling encore, encore, encore in a tiny intimate club.

Oh, the Asians, they (er, we) love Kina. Haha, looking around before the show, the crowd was disproportionately Asian. Not drinking much. Wonder if that annoyed the bar staff. Is that part of the Asian racial profile, they don't make for a good $$ night at the bar? Asians are so polite. This recording was so good because the audience was full of obedient listeners. No chatter in the background. But I think that's why no one sang along on the bum bum bums in 'Message from Your Heart.' They probably all thought, oh Kina's voice is so pure, it would be rude to sing along. Despite the longing in their hearts to do so.

It was a perfect day for a drive. Listened to the older Kina albums on the way up. Considered staying the night in Seattle, but all the adrenaline from meeting Kina kept me wide awake to make the drive home.

Thanks Mama G for giving me the green light to post the videos.

still here

So I've had a lot on my mind lately but I can't say much on the blog. I haven't updated since I thought my work status was about to transition, and now it isn't. Tragically, I keep it to myself because I can't really speak of work objectively at the moment. It would be unprofessional and that's not my intent. Frustration is hard to hide.  

I can say it's been a happy weekend. I took a mini getaway and drove a few hours north to Seattle. Kina Grannis played at the High Dive. Hoping I get her permission to post some videos to share. For now, some pics to remember the show...

 

   

it's happening

After all the online applications, telephone and in-person interviews, plus three new suits, I know now that I will have a job March 1st. I should be copying and pasting from my resume now because officially I haven't applied for that job yet. It's the one I've already been doing, only for the 3rd time, the employer name on my W-2 changes again. This time, it's back to the hospital where it all started. 

At the end of last summer, the CIO of the hospital announced the planned termination of the outsourcing contract. It wasn't an entirely unexpected business decision. I tried not to take it personally. For months, though, it was unclear what they would do with the people. Of the group that originally were outsourced in 2004, less than a couple dozen of us remain employed here. There was some natural attrition, along with a few reductions in force and a number of employees hired to meet the demands of new IT projects. A few weeks ago, the CIO verbally agreed that the hospital would rehire 100% of the department. It's taken this long for the lawyers to agree to the terms on paper. 

So I took last week off, mostly to burn off some PTO days, but found myself doing much soul searching. I met last week with the director who will be my new boss and received my offer letter. I have less than 48 hours left to respond. What happens a few months or a year from now is anyone's guess. We could be outsourced again, perhaps this time to an off-shore company. The uncertain climate is just part of working in this industry. For the moment, I have a little job security, and who knows? The grass could be greener. Is that cautiously optimistic enough? 

25 Random things (which I will not use to tag people on Facebook) that kept me busy since my last post in November:

1) Practiced smiling and saying "I'll have your total at the next window"

2) Contributed to the recession by trying not to spend any money

3) Got in touch with old coworkers from old jobs on Linked In and Facebook

4) "Friended" way too many acquaintances, then deleted them without telling

5) Looked at degree programs that might distract me for a while

6) Rearranged my husband's home office to suit my work needs, just in case

7) Pictured my son as President of the United States of America

8) Pictured myself living in the White House

9) Reconnected with my dad

10) Assured my mom that if we're headed into another Great Depression, my family will be ok because of the way my parents raised me

11) Had my first white Christmas in my home - historic for Portland metro

12) Ate moose for breakfast on Thanksgiving day in Idaho

13) Donated to public radio for the first time

14) Bought my first American flag for the house and raised it inauguration day

15) Celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary with new and old friends - some who came over for a party and others in cyberspace who made a nice virtual party

16) Bought used equipment on Craigslist and went skiing 3 times without poles, once across the blue ice of a glacier

17) Cooked, and cooked, and cooked perhaps more in the last 3 months than my entire married life

18) Finally found coworkers who will go to sushi with me as often as I suggest it

19) Went to my first tapas bar. Still haven't been to a topless bar. As far as you know. 

20) Said too many sad goodbyes to too many departing colleagues

21) Watched movies that I knew would make me cry, but laughed a lot too

22) Started budgeting for the next family vacation, an Alaskan cruise

23) Taught Noah the names of planets in our solar system, in case he becomes an astronaut

24) Reminisced with friends about the 80s and 90s and realized I'll be 40... someday

25) Welcomed the changes to come

in the spirit of change, locally speaking

I'm trying to squeeze in just another hour of 'me' time before the week begins again... I can hardly look forward to another week of uncertainty. A long time colleague moved on to a new consulting position, finally refusing to tolerate increasingly frustrating demands. His absence is a little heart breaking, though at once motivating. I don't know if I'll be next, or if there waits a mass exodus ahead of me, but change is unavoidable. The only question is how long this period of transition can last.

In my technical and professional life, I'm driven by certain ideals - not so much regarding hardware platforms and information security, but more relating to sustainability and continuous improvement. If certain standards didn't drive my performance, and I didn't believe that I was surrounded by the best of colleagues who value the same, I would have left a long time ago. But the culture of an outsourced IT department is influenced by pressure from all sides, and as much, if not more, by the client as by the global mega-corporation. So, hypothetically speaking, that means one could constantly be caught between psychotic and dysfunctional cultures. No one should be forced to endure that without an end in sight.

I'm glad I had a few good weeks of SNL and election drama to distract me. But it's time to get back to business. What happens at work isn't happening in a vacuum. No outsourcing contract on this scale would be unaffected by the global economic health. So I don't expect what lies ahead to resemble anything but controlled chaos. In the next few months, I'll manage to get through a few more small implementations, but the deliverables will suffer from all this pressure.

It is what it is. I find my inspiration elsewhere. Speaking of which, why not post a Kina-original playlist! Just an update from a blog last August, my dad's last visit at the oncologist was encouraging. I'm cautiously optimistic. Kina sent a moving repy to my email request. Hope to see her on stickam soon...


.